Christa Pike says she made peace with dying ... but after her execution failed, she's been left struggling to make peace with living.
In her first public statement since the botched Sept. 30 execution, shared by her legal team with TMZ, Pike opens up about the physical and emotional toll of surviving ... saying she's still in pain a month later.
In a first-person letter, she writes ... "Several days later I woke up alone in a hospital confused and in pain. There hasn't been a moment since that night when I haven't been in pain. My body hurts. My arms hurt. My hands hurt. My throat hurts. I still struggle to speak."
Pike says the suffering goes far beyond her physical injuries ... admitting she never imagined she'd have to face life after her scheduled execution, and she's now searching for meaning in what happened.
The 50-year-old says she's been largely isolated in the prison's medical ward since returning from the hospital ... describing the experience as a painful reminder of the 28 years she spent in solitary confinement.
Pike also acknowledges the family of her victim, 19-year-old Colleen Slemmer, saying she's "deeply hurt by the incompetence that has put so many people in this terrible position" and continues thinking about the pain and loss Slemmer's loved ones have endured.
Despite everything, Pike says she's slowly getting stronger ... thanking the first responders, medical staff and supporters who have helped her through the ordeal.
"I don't know why I survived that night. I don't know what comes next," she says ... adding, "Some days, finding hope is harder than others."
As we previously reported ... Pike survived Tennessee's execution attempt last month after prison officials administered two doses of the lethal injection drug pentobarbital, but she continued breathing.
She was rushed to a hospital, where she spent several days recovering from serious medical complications, including pneumonia and a blood clot. Her attorneys have also alleged the execution drugs leaked into the tissue surrounding her IV lines.
Pike was discharged Oct. 10 and returned to prison, where she remains on death row for the brutal 1995 murder of Slemmer.
The botched execution prompted Tennessee Governor Bill Lee to halt the state's remaining executions for the year and order an independent review of what went wrong.
Pike says she's now taking her recovery one day at a time ... adding, "I am holding onto the love and kindness of so many people who have reminded me that I am not alone."
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